Mama Got it Right
October 3, 2016
Every single time I shop, prepare, and pack food for my father, without fail, my mother occupies my mind. I've increased music volume, listened to Minister Farrakhan lectures, and YouTube videos, but the thought of her righteous rearing remains ever present the entire time. Today, while cooking and packing food for daddy, spirit spoke to me and said, thoughts of your mother aren't a reminder of the trials; they are a testimony to the triumph of a God fearing mother who got it right. And there was my ah ha moment.
It is solely because of my mother that I share the beautiful relationship that I have with my daddy today. Though he was a loving, caring provider, oftentimes, he was a heartbreaking man with which to grow up under the same roof. He himself was broken. There really is a beautiful side to ugly, and an ugly side to beautiful. I have physical scars that will be with me forever because of how he loved. I've seen him knock my mother's tooth out, stalk and control her to no end, snatch earrings from both ears, simultaneously slicing her pierced holes, and bore witness to the bullet ridden car she fled in after he finally received divorce papers and didn't take the news well. I vividly remember the night he ripped through the holes in her ears. I told my baby brother, "I hate him. I wish she would divorce him." My mother, being earshot of my young, adolescent emotions, immediately chastised, "That is your father! Don't you ever speak of him that way again!" My mouth was agape, but before I could utter anymore rage, she repeated, "I said he is your father, and you will respect him. This is my business to settle." I walked away shaking my head in disgrace of her. I was ashamed for her, though I'd never admit it then. Throughout my entire upbringing, my mother made it her business to ensure my siblings and I maintained an active, consistent relationship with my daddy, even after their eventual divorce. She never spoke ill of him in front of us, and once corrected my aunt when she attempted to do so. She explained to us that his capacity to love was limited to his father's capacity to love (since he grew up without his mother), which was through misunderstood affection and abuse.
The Bible speaks of the iniquity/sins of the father visiting the children, and the children's children. That is to say that everything is connected, and the wrongs of parents can and will touch their children when left unreconciled. My mother made certain that I didn't suffer for her iniquities. I would have been a prime candidate for 'daddy issues' had it not been for my mother's Godly wisdom and sacrifice. It is because of her that I was able to quickly forgive my son's father for his shortcomings of physical abuse and infidelity, and co-parent Ayinde without ever speaking a negative word of his father to him, regardless of my personal feelings. My mother freed me up to love and be open to love. It is because of her teachings that I love everyone in my path so freely and givingly, hence the reason my village is worldwide and far reaching. She is to thank for me not being a bag lady, and being free to receive love, and genuinely love in return.
So, every time I post daddy's food or Daddy Chronicles, may you too inevitably think of my mother. Say a prayer of thanksgiving and protection for her while you're at it. She's more than paid it forward. As mothers, we have a duty to raise our children to respect and love their fathers, and vice versa. It is a charge that we should not take lightly, our personal insecurities and emotions notwithstanding. Our children deserve better.
Now, off to visit daddy.