Weather Channel Wars

August 25, 2017

Pre-Hurricane Harvey Daddy Chronicles

Me: [watching Ch. 13 news] 

Daddy: Ch. 2 has better weather updates. 

Me: Wait, you always said Ch. 13 has the best news, Daddy. 

Him: And they still do. I said Ch. 2 has better WEATHEEERRRR updates [shakes head]. 

Me: Oooooo here we go. Come down Jesus. 

Him: Jesus? When the last time you talked to Jesus?

Me: You just heard me call him didn't you?

Him: Shiiiii, if he answers that request it'll be because I'm here. I'm a faithful servant. You? [shakes head again]. 

Me: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Me: [Intently watching the nice lady reporting the weather, live on Ch. 2.]

Him: This that ole stupid woman here. I never understand why she stands in the rain and let's the rain run down her neck, when she has a hood on her raincoat. PUT THE HOOD OVER YA HEAD FOOL! Baby girl turn it back to Ch. 13; I can't watch this dummy. 

Me: [moment of silence]

Him: [stares me down for a whole minute]

Me: Amen. 

Him: What you say?

Me: I said Amen.

Him: To who?

Me: Abraham, since you say Jesus won't hear my prayer. A prophet is a prophet, ain't it?

Him: How long they say before the city back to normal. 

Me: Why?

Him: You know why. 

Daddy is riding the storm out with us with all the 76 year old bitterness he can muster. So, y'all get ready and pray for us. Harvey is now the least of our worries.