Hurricane Harvey
August 26, 2017
Me: [knock on guest room door]
Daddy: Yeah?
Me: Good morning daddy.
Him: [silence]
Me: Daddy.
Him: Yeah?
Me: Good morning.
Him: [silence]
Me: Ugh. Are you hungry?
Him: It's a new day, Jahmeelah. What you think?
Me: Okay, okay. I'm about to cook breakfast.
Him: Breakfast? It's after 10 o'clock. The day is halfway gone.
Me: 😣
Me: [pulling his salmon out of the oven to check it]
Him: [as soon as I reveal the pan] Oh you can push that right back in. I don't like my salmon that pink. That's how pink people like their salmon. I like mine done.
Me: [woosah] Dad-dy. I was just checking it.
Him: Yeah I know. Check it back in the oven. It ain't ready.
Me: 😤. Have you ever heard the saying, "The kitchen is only big enough for one woman?"
Him: You need to tell ya mama that, not me. I ain't no woman.
Me: Here Daddy. Taste this polenta and see how you like it.
Him: [before even seeing it] Now you know I like my grits soft. My step mama used to make grits that you could cut with a knife, just like cake. I hope you ain't over here making yo step chirren cake grits.
Me: You know, you are some kinda wonderful. Daddy here. Taste them before I serve them. You already know how I prepare my polenta. Aaaand, I don't have step children. They're my bonus babies.
Him: Yeah ok. Baby girl are these grits yellow or did you put all the butter in here? Cause uh...
Me: Daddy! I said that's polenta, twice already! Yellow is its natural color; and besides, I don't cook with butter.
Him: Tell me something, hell. Cause I was gone say you need to put these down the garbage disposal and start over.
Me: Daddy please welcome yourself to a seat out of the kitchen, like over there somewhere 👉🏾. The food will be ready in 15 min. We're just waiting on your salmon.
Him: I'm saying cause you the one made me come over here, won't feed me breakfast ’til lunch time, make me take off my shoes, and I feel lil’ particles on my feet from ya floor [walks off slowly shaking his head].
Me: 😯😖😑 [biting my tongue]