Low, Not Bald

July 26, 2021

[on the phone]

Me: Daddy, what’s that noise?

Him: What noise?

Me: That noise.

Him: I don’t hear any noise.

[minutes later]

Me: Daddy, you don’t hear that noise?

Him: What noise?

Me: That noise! It sounds like somebody’s scraping the bark off a tree. What is that?

Him: [makes noise] THAT noise?

Me: Yes, THAT noise! What is that?

Him: That’s me scratching all this hair on my face since you or ya brother won’t come cut it.

Me: Oh my goodness. Why must you be so dramatic? Just say you need a haircut.

Him: Hell, why I gotta say it? You see me damn near every day.

Me: [deep sigh] I’ll be over there tomorrow, Daddy.

[I arrive the following day.]

Him: How much you gone take off?

Me: I’ma take it down low, Daddy. Why?

Him: Bald?

Me: No. Why would I bald you?

Him: Well, that’s what ya brother did.

Me: What? No he didn’t.

Him: You calling me a liar?

Me: Why didn’t you say something?

Him: Say something for what? It was too late after the fact. Wouldn’t bring the hair back.

Me: Well, you should’ve told him for the next time. You have to advocate for yourself.

Him: Do what?

Me: Advocate for yourself.

Him: What?

Me: Speak up Daddy! Speak up for yourself. Gaaaahhlee!

Him: That’s what I have you for.

Me: Sir, you better talk crazy to Jamaal just like you talk crazy to me. I’m not your voice.

[later that day]

Me: Jamaal, why in the world did you cut Daddy’s hair bald?

Jamaal: Because it’ll last longer that way.

Me: Boy, you can’t just cut off all of somebody’s hair just because you want to. You ain’t ever known Daddy to wear his head bald. He didn’t like it.

Jamaal: Looked nice to me.

Me: Don’t do it again!