What Shape Is This?
February 2, 2020
Disclaimer: Long post (tho that’s not the real reason cause y’all already know I’m long winded in written form 😜). It’s really because there will be some explicit language, and I know I’m friends and family with some that are too pious for the whole of linguistic expression 😣, but I’m not. So, here goes.
Backstory: New Year’s Day of 2019, I unexpectedly had to move my daddy in with me at a moment’s notice, literally. Just a few months prior, we learned of two aggressive illnesses quickly changing the course of his health for the worse, Parkinson’s Disease & Stage 3 Prostate Cancer, and Jan. 1st he was discharged from the hospital to me. Being his primary caretaker changed every aspect of my life and lifestyle, overnight no less. Trust me when I say, caring for a child in an elders body is not for the impatient, non-compassionate, unloving, or unforgiving. After nine months, we moved him elsewhere, but he occasionally stays over on weekends. I cannot begin to express how grateful I was/am to my younger brother, Jamaal, who upon visiting home last summer, saw the measure of work it required and the toll it was taking on me, postponed a new position he’d just accepted at Rutgers University and took off the Fall Semester to assist me. His partnership meant everything and allowed me to reclaim my breath. I love him forever and ever.
So for those who’ve asked me countless times why I hadn’t posted a Daddy Chronicle in quite some time, this is why. Hell, I’ve barely been brushing my teeth and washing my tail. Now for today’s foolery.
Daddy: [just standing over me as I wash dishes]
Me: 👀
Him: 👀
Me: Let me guess. You’re hungry?
Him: Good guess.
Me: Okay give me 15 minutes. I’ll heat up some soup, roast some vegetables, and make a salad.
Him: Salad?!
Me: Yes salad. A fully loaded salad.
Him: I guess I’ll take the soup & broccoli but I don’t want no salad.
Me: Daddy, I said vegetables. I keep telling you, you have to eat more than broccoli, and my salads are meals. You know this.
Him: And you know I don’t want it. I’ll just take the soup and broccoli. You got some crackers?
Me: Yes. [I pull crackers from the pantry]
Him: Hmph
Me: 🤐
Him: Ahem
Me: 🤐
Him: Baby girl, you always keep ya crackers in a dish like that?
Me: Yes, where else would I keep them?
Him: In the box they came in.
Me: They didn’t come in a box.
Him: Ah hell. I knew it! What they come in?
Me: A grocery bag.
Him: What that mean?
Me: Daddy, please go sit down. You know good and well I made those crackers.
Him: Made ‘em! Yoself?
Me: Yes!
Him: In this kitchen?
Me: Yes! You want ‘em or not?
Him: [grunts and walks away]
Me: Thank you.
Him: Let me see ‘em.
Me: You’ll see them when I make your plate, Daddy. Please now. Sunday is my day to exhale and recharge.
Him: Recharge what?
Me: My whole self.
Him: Ah hell there you go with that spook talk.
Me: 🤐
Him: How you gone heat the soup? I know you not gone heat up that whole pot and spoil it.
Me: On the stove, Daddy.
Him: Well where ya microwave?
Me: You know I don’t have a microwave.
Him: Yeah but why?
Me: Because I don’t wanna be tempted to use a device that’s gonna zap all the nutritional value from my food.
Him: What the hell you say? I don’t know why you gotta make everything so hard. Ya always been that way. A microwave gone save YOU time and heat YO food up. Simple.
Me: WILLIE, your food will be on the table in 15 minutes!
Him: [under his breath] It woulda took a minute or two in a microwave.
Me: 🤐 [in my head - and that’s the shit that contributes to disease]
Me: [plates his food and serves him]
Him: [first thing he does is pick up a cracker!] What shape is this?
Me: 🤐
Him: Jahmeelah, what shape is this?
Me: A squaraxon.
Him: A what?
Me: A squaraxon!
Him: [looking real confused] You made that up?
Me: Yes. Just like I made that cracker. Now eat it!
Him: [blesses his food and starts eating]
Me: Daddy, why did you dump all those crackers in that soup?
Him: 🤐
Me: Daddy?
Him: 🤐
Me: Oh okay.
Him: Uh huh
JAMAAL WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK HOME? I MISS YOU!